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Eyes up, heart open

Carla Ten Eyck

RIP blankie aug 2004 – aug 2011

Last week we lost blankie while vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard. It seems so… permanent. She is gone forever. I am so devastated. See, I bought blankie for my little girl Georgie before she was born. This blankie was a bit of a place holder at that point. See, in my eyes I thought she would be temporary until I could make her a blankie myself. You know, with all of my free time being a new mom to my second child.

What I didn’t realize then was that there wouldn’t come a time for me to make that blankie that would end up being her official Blankie. And so seven years later, almost to the day, Georgie had (what I thought was) her temporary blankie as her official Blankie. If it wasn’t broke, right?

I know there are parents that get the whole blankie and ba ba thing. Ba ba is Jack’s stuffed dog that is his LOVE. Blankie was that for Geeg. Now that she is gone I am devastated. I have held it in all week and not cried or broken down in front of anyone, I actually can’t believe I haven’t! Well. Until now. I am sobbing as I write this, mourning the loss of what I feel was THE symbol of my daughter’s love for her entire life so far.

Yes, I refer to her as a person, as a ‘she’ even like she was a person. She was. She was a very huge part of my family for seven years. She was here when my Mom was alive, when she died. And after. My Mom met blankie. We would have talks about how I used to have a blankie too. How I loved the satiny edges, just like Geeg does. How I would rub the soft, slippery edging between my fingers. Geeg has a special way of folding her edges three times and then rubbing the edge against her lips. It soothes her.

Leaving that island, knowing that blankie was not with us was heartbreaking. Yes, I am still holding out hope that she got squirreled away into someone else’s luggage… but that is a very distant hope.

The bright side? There are two things. One, I am so happy that I made Jack and Georgie pose for me last winter with blankie and ba ba after the first of many of our snow storms this winter. So I have a portrait of their childhood as they were, still needing the reassurance of their loves at night, and not feeling silly about still needing them and trying to grow up too fast.

The second thing is that I finally got to make my daughter the blankie that I was always too busy to make. With the help (and sewing machine and expertise) of my very dear friend Danielle… we made Blankie Two in one evening of sipping wine and watching Mystery Science Theatre 3K with her family while our little ones ran amuck. It was one of the best and most important nights a Mom can have. Danielle knew. And I knew. And I didn’t cry then. But boy am I making up for it now, in spades!!

And yes. I know it is just a thing. And there are bigger things to lose, like those you love most. Believe me, I know.

But my heart is still broken for my little girl and her lost blankie, and I felt the need to write it out. Thanks for reading and listening.

XO

1 Comment

  • I feel your pain. I’m crying right now for my daughter who has lost her pink blankie called baby. It has been 3 days since baby has gonna missing and my daughters heart is broken. She cries at night for it and in the morning when she realizes its not beside her. Did your daughters new blankie help. Please let me know. Thank you. Sad mommy Lori

    Reply

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